I didn't see John for a few days after our weekend away as he was away with work. We chatted on the phone and sent each other texts. I was really missing him . What I wasn't missing was the skirts and dresses. I didn't wear a skirt to work that week and did feel a little guility but did feel free and it only took a few minutes to get dressed. As I am usually late for work it saved time not bothering with skirts and the like.
I was supposed to see John on Friday night but he was very late back so I arranged to see him Saturday morning. I remeber slipping on the only dress I kept at my house with a pair of sheer tights. Mom had gone out shopping so I wouldn't have the usual comments from her. Dad came in and acted a bit funny and kissed me. Not something he usually does but didn't think too much of it at the time, I was running late again. Then the door bell went! John was early. Dad answered the door and talked some stuff to John, I couldn't hear what they were saying. I lept down the stairs and John kissed me. It was great seeing him
When we got in the car John kissed me again and put his hand on my leg and thanked me for wearing a dress and tights. We drove back to this house and he led inside as he always does and we sat down. We kissed for a bit and then out of the blue he fumbled in his pocked and pulled out a ring box. I honestly didn't expect it to be an engagement ring, thinking it would be some ear rings or something. It was a very simple, will you marry me. He didn't get down on one knee or anything, just came out with it. I was very, very shocked, it was the last thing I expected. He mentioned the talking to my dad was about it. He asked my father first which was nice. I said yes of course. This was the first time I was asked my a man for marriage. I must of made an impression last weekend.
The following day John said we would visit his mother. Something I had sort of dreaded, I don't know why. He dropped little hints about her and I sort of had a picture of a stern woman in my mind. I didn't stay over that night so John picked me on Sunday morning.
We went back to his house and he told me to change into a dress after having a shower. This annoyned me a little as I had spent time before he picked me up getting ready but he wanted me to wear this dress so I agreed. The dress was a linen maxi dress, one I had tried on ages ago but until now never worn. He also insisted I wore my navy ribbed tights which I kicked up a fuss about.
I looked okay and John said I looked lovely. He didn't say much on the way to his mothers.
She lived in a smallish detached house some miles away. She lives on her own. From the outside it was very well kept. We went to the front door and John walked in. I was quite nervous. John's mom then came out of the kitchen. She is a smallish lady with a thick perm. She kissed me on the cheek before John could introduce us.
We went into the front room and John and his mother talked. She didn't say much to me. We had lunch, a typical sunday roast affair. Throughout the meal she talked about our engagement. She asked if I had looked at any dresses yet and said he would come along when I choose. Jumping the gun a bit, we hadn't even set a date yet.
I felt she didn't talk to me much, she spoke to John quite a lot and at times snapped at him about stuff. First impressions, she seemed nice but quite firm and set in her ways. As I always find in older peoples homes it was boiling and I was glad to get out to cool down.
When we got home I felt bloated. John wanted to watch the grand prix and he flopped into the chair. It felt really strange but I wanted to wait on him, cherish him in a small way to pay back for all the nice things he had done for me. He appreicated it but got annoyed as I tried to talk to him when whilst he was watching tv so he told me to go upstairs and have a rest on the bed which I did.
Next morning I was back to my usual routine. It did mean putting on a skirt and tights. Annoying it felt!. This was no ordinary morning at work. When I got there a staff meeting had been called for our department. The long and short of it was the company was doing badly and redundancies were required. The meeting went on for ages. I meant John for lunch and told him. He kinda of new but told me to accept the offer. I didn't want to but he said there was no way he wanted me working when I was married and this was a good time to leave if the company as itwas making people redundant. We talked about money, well I mentioned it but he said he would sort the financies out and he didn't want me to worry about it. He then said I should move in with him now we are officially "pre-married". All this over lunch. He was quite stern in his decisions and I knew that I had to accept the offer as John would be really annoyed and I did want to move in with him but it felt like I was loosing my independence.
Anyway I went into my managers office. She had been my manager since I joined. Lorna was mid 50's and had sort of mothered me when I joined as a teenager. She was a little shocked about my quick decision and we talked about me and John. She asked if it was my decision or John's and I said it was a joint decision. She touched on the fact that John was a strong character and was I doing the right thing? Of course I said how happy I was and now I could move in with him, but when I finially closed the door I did have my doubts.
After that date when he confessed he hated what I wore I had time to think. Part of me was angry, the other part felt loved. We must of spent hours talking on the phone about it. This was his take:
He said that although I probably won't admit it I am vunerable. I have been hurt in the past and I need protecting. He is desperate to protect me. He wants to guide me and lead me. He wants to take away all my problems. He wants to protect me from the world. He touched on work and said he didn't like me there because a lot of the male colleagues were very poor role models and a bad influence. He wanted me to have a dependancy on him.
He asked what I thought of a man wearing womens clothes. Did this turn me on? Of course not!. He said it was a direct comparsion but when a woman wears trousers and trainers it takes away the femine aspect of a woman. He said all this might appear sexist but its not. For John he wants to be the protector of me which feels lovely.
Another area John talked about was letting go. He said he once observed me playing with the salt and pepper pot at a cafe when he was paying. How embarrasing I thought but I do tend to do silly things. He said he was to nuture this. He said I have an inner child in me that has never gone away and that I should never hide it away as when its out I am at my most innocent. I thought that was a nice comment but didn't really understand it. He explained I don't like responsibility and with him he would be responsible for me.
He then struck a chord. He talked about when my mum use to make me wear skirts or dresses when we went out as a family. When I became an adult I had never learnt to accept normal girls or womens clothes. John would now have to treat me in a child like way and make me wear feminine clothes. Boy I was confused.
Back to the topic. John had agreed to take me shopping. A first for me, my past boyfriends hated shopping and I didn't like it much either. He even told me the night before what to wear. I was to wear a pair of jeans which seemed strange and a pair of shoes and a blouse of my choice. He made no comment about underwear luckily.
He picked me up and we drove off, me expecting to go the the nearest shopping centre but he headed off in the opposite direction. I asked where he was taking me and he said "Wait and see princess". Princess? This was the first time he called me princess. I smiled in accpetance. It felt okay him saying it.
After what seemed ages we arrived in a market town I use to visit occasionally when I was younger as my Aunt lived there. It had all the usual high street shops together with some independent shops. So after parking the car he led me away and the first shop was M&S. How predictable I thought. John then suprised me by saying he just wanted to buy some cufflinks. He knew what he wanted and put them in the basket. We then wondered over to the dreaded hosiery section. I tried to look interested and was actually surprised about the selection. Not that I was choosing. He picked off a multi pack of 60 denier opaque brown tights and put them straight in the basket without consulting me. He then bought himself some other stuff, a tie from memory. At least he only bought one pack of tights for me. He paid and we decided to have a coffee in the shop. I thought this a little strange as we had only got there.
As we sat down, he told me to go the toilet to put on my tights under my jeans. Why I thought and asked!. Simple he said. I would be trying on lots of skirts and dresses today so needed to be wearing them. Can't I try them on bare legged if I am just trying them? I then sensed a little annoyance in his tone. Just put them on he said, they are just a normal part of a womans wardrobe. Go on.
I was told! I got up a little reluctant and went into the toilets. I went into the cubicle and sat down. I undid my jeans and lowered them down. I was wearing charlie brown socks! Funny what you remember. I took them off and opened the pack of tights. 60 denier. I thought they were too thick and I would start to get too hot, especially shopping all day. I had agreed though so I gathered the one leg up and slowly began to peel it back onto my leg. Suddenly all the thoughts of my childhood came back to me. What was I doing? I continued and gathered the other leg up and stepped into them. I rolled them up and watched my legs being covered in brown denier. I felt uncomortable when they reached my waist. Then I thought, come on, they are only tights, what's the big deal and John will be happy. I still felt sorry for myself though. Anyway I whipped on my jeans and shoes and went back out.
As I walked back to the table John could now see I was wearing tights. His eyes wandered down to my shoes. "See that wasn't that bad was it?". I explained my concerns but they were dismissed. He even asked me to hand over my lovely charlie brown socks, apparently to avoid tempation. He stuffed them into his bag. Come on then princess, lets go shopping.
We first entered a traditional womens boutique. It was quite a nice shop, with plenty of choice, mainly the dressier end. Its a shop I would have never walked into. The shop assistant was mid 40's and smiled. She put on a fake smile and muttered something about helping us if we needed it. John went to over to evening dresses. I stoold there looking a bit dum, thinking shouldn't this be the other way around? Not long after John pulled out a evening beaded cocktail dress and put it towards my front. I looked in horror. I can't wear that. He seemed to ignore me and told me to try it. I complained again and gave him a child like look. He just pointed to the changing room and told me not be silly. I huffed a bit and went to change.
I hated it. I never liked dresses. I hated the restriction, the look, the feel just everything. Well its a compromise I thought. If I agree on 1 dress he may back off. I took my jeans off for a second time. I took of my top and changed into the dress. It was a silk dress and well very dressey. It was royal blue in colour, very floaty and had a chiffon style neckline. I looked at myself in the mirror. Clearly the tights didn't match. I looked uncomfortable.
The shop has seats arranged outside the changing rooms so you could parade to your partner. I nervously stepped out for approval. Johns eyes turned into goldfish bowls. His whole face lit up. "My god princess, the change is amazing. You look 1000 dollars. You can see now why jeans and t-shirts just don't work." I continued to stand there while he commented on my change. It felt nice in a way, but I didn't like the dress and didn't like been told what to wear. He didn't ask my opinion why upset me.
I changed back into my jeans, very tempted to take off my tights at this stage but resisted. I pulled back the curtain and John grabbed the dress and took it the till.
We then went into a high street shop to try on some skirts. I paid a little more interest in the skirts than the dress. Not that John seemed to listen to my choices. I must admit he had a good eye for detail, better for me, quickly grabbing skirts from the rack and putting them against me and deciding. He eventually selected 3 skirts and directed me to the changing rooms. I showed the girl the skirts and she handed me a token. Off came the jeans again and I slipped the first skirt on each, a flared brown knee lenght skirt. I popped out the changing room and walked towards John. He approved and I went back. This went on again and I tried on a layered skirt which John approved on again. I then tried on pencil skirt and by now just wanted John to approve but I could see he didn't like the pencil skirt.
Finially I got out and he purchased the two skirts and put the pencil skirt back. Off we went again. We then went back to M&S and he picked out some "work skirts" which filled with me horror. I hated people noticing something different about me. This really would get the tongues wagging. Anyway John had decided and I tried on another 4 skirts of which he purchased 3.
We then back to the hoisery section at which point I asked if I could get some leggings. No was the blunt answer. He literally chose loads of tights and also 3 pairs of hold ups. I had never worn holdups before. We then went to choose some tops. He picked out a floral print blouse, a woven ruffle blouse and another layered type blouse.
You may be wondering how I remember all this. Well this is a direct copy from my diary, but the day is still as clear in my mind now as it were yesterday.
All this had taken ages but John hadn't finished. He could see I was wearing thin but wanted me to try on some shoes. I pursuaded him to stay in the same shop. I tried on 2 pairs ballet pump style shoes. Both pairs had the bow style on. He seemed happy so he bought them. When he paid I had wondered off to the exit. Actually I was looking at a watch. He waved to me and walked over. "I want you to put this skirt and blouse on with the shoes I have bought for. I had a word with the changing room assistant. You can change now." I tried to talk him out it but I felt guilty afterall he had bought all the clothes. I went back in slipped my comfortable jeans off and put the layered skirt on, then the blouse and shoes. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a bit upset. What was I doing? I thought I look unhappy John may change his mind.
I don't think he noticed my expression when I walked out. His eyes went wide again and he commented on how lovely I looked. We walked back to the car with his compliments continuing. He carefully put all the bags in the boot and got in. "We are not finished yet, I am taking you for lunch". He could see I had tears in my eyes now. He got in the car and asked the reason for the tears.
I explained it felt like going back to a child, being told and made to wear clothes I disliked. He then told me to close my eyes, which I did. He then put my hands on my knees. He then slightly tilted my head to each his and kissed me. Wow it felt wonderful. We had kissed before but not like this. I felt wonderful. He then said, as a plain as day "I love you". That was the first time he said it. He repeated what he had said about how jeans don't work for me and how great I looked in a skirt or blouse.
Then the serious words came out. He told me from now on every time we date I was to wear a skirt or dress and always with tights. He said that meant for work as well. I asked why can't I go bare legged. His answer was mixed. He said he didn't like other men looking at my bare legs, for his eyes only and that tights were just a normal but feminine part of a girls wardrobe. He said he appreicated it was a big move but insisted in no time at all I would forget I was wearing them or a skirt, it would become normal.
So this was the start of my long journey from a tomboy to a feminine girl. Pleasing a man is not as easy as I had thought.
