Marriage prep

Having no experience of arranging a marriage and a very excited MIL who wanted to take over it seemed easier to let her make some of the arrangements. To my surprise she even teamed up with my mum to work out table plans, menus etc. John had organised the venue and the church was arranged through his mother. It kept me busy in the week as Linda (MIL) always popped around in the afternoon to update me.

I was always try to keep the house in order by cleaning, washing, ironing and some of the gardening. John banned me from cutting grass, he deems this mans work.

John does has a habit of pointing out problems but said I was learning and by the time we would be married I would be a proper house wife in his eyes. He said if he didn't point things out I wouldn't know. I suppose that makes sense.

I felt in a whirlwind as everyone around me made arrangements for my special day. John had also told me not to cut my hair as he wanted it long. MIL had started to arrange to have my nails done every week by her friends neice but I didn't really like. She came around and tutted at the state of my bitten nails and spent a good hour and half filing and paint them much to MIL and even my own mothers delight. I think they thought I loved all this attention but I didn't really.

John had started to work late at night and they had food bought into the office so for a few nights I didn't have to cook for him. He turned into a sort of animal, only requiring sex, sleep and breakfast. He would come in when I was in bed, strip off, clothes dumped and jump into bed. He would raise my nightdress and make love to me and then fall asleep.

I got annoyed after a while and texted him at work explaining how I felt. To my suprise he came home shortly after with a lovely bunch of flowers. It sort of went some way to apologise. The lunch after was nice. We talked loads just like we did when we first met. He told me how much he loved me and how excited he was that I would soon be his wife and share his name, his home..everything.

I was now accepting my role as houswife and John had sort of built up the role. I looked forward to his return, I even had started to take pride in washing and ironing his clothes. Until that was my was judgement slipped. It was a Tuesday from memory, everything was done, the MIL had gone away that day with a friend and I was bored, hormonal and a bit excited. I started surfing the net and well came across some soft porn and this was how it started. I got excited by it, more than I should. Well this went of for some days, and I ended up spending 3 to 4 hours a day on the net. I even started to drink a glass or two of wine with my surfing sessions and although I felt guilty I had an urge to view more. Yes it is very preditable what happened next I got caught. Monday afternoon and I was sitting at the computer in just my tights and slip, something I often did at night as John liked it.  I was so ingrossed in a movie I was watching I had no idea John had pulled up and come into the house. I didn't even hear the door. And there he was behind me. I froze. I really didn't know what to say.

He didn't go mad, he didn't shout. He was very disappointed though. He thought I was this innoncent girl who he had cherished and nutured. I explained it was my fault and that I was wrong and I was under stress because of the wedding. The wedding bit didn't work because all the arrangements were made by my and his mother. He felt that I had too much free time and I had not taken on the role of housewife properly, just played at the job. Well the talking went on and on and tears were shed by me and for the first real time I realised how much I want this marriage, how much I want him and how much I now understand my role and his role. He wants me to show my vulnerability, he wants me to let go. He also said he blamed himself for not giving me enough responsibilities but said he would fix this. In conclusion the only conclusion was something I had been dreading a spanking. I had agreed to this and he said he would spank me the following evening.

Those 24 hours dragged on. All I could think of was my punishment but I knew I deserved it. I seemed to watch the clock all day. Eventually he came in. He kissed me and told me to go to the bedroom. He followed shortly with a kitchen chair. He placed the kitchen chair in the middle of the room and told me to go over his lap. I did this without hesitation and lowered by body onto this. My hands were resting on the carpet and I waiting for the next move. It seemed like ages passed and then I felt him  lifting my dress up. I was also wearing 60 denier tights and wondered if he would lower this. He talked at me first, well I say talked, I didn't really answer, he just gave the reasons for his spanking and then he started to smack my bottom. After the first few I felt the stingy pain and felt mye eyes go watery. He then lowered my tights and my panties. I felt really exposed by now but was more bothered about the spanking.  He spanked again, usually changing between my two bottom cheeks.. I tried to use my hand to protect my bottom but he moved it away. On it went until suddenly he stopped. He told me to stand up and my dress dropped down, my tights and panties still in the wrong place. I sat on his knee and he hugged me. I remember that hug, it felt lovely. Suddenly everything felt okay again. This was certaintly one way to sort problems out. No rows or sulks (well from him anyway). I knew I had corner time as we had discussed this. I move to corner of the bedroom and sat there with my bottom on fire. He left the room but I didn't want to get up, I wanted to complete my punishment and make him proud. It seemed forever but he came back after 15 minutes and I composed myself. Thinking that was all over I was mistaken. Grounded! I was sent to bed after tea and grounded for the next week which meant cancelling a night out with my friend. I didn't say the reason why. 

 Well, lesson learnt I suppose and it did teach me, I have never been on dodgy sites since. Not actually possible though, John in his wisdom but a block on certain sites.

So what did I feel after my spanking, apart from the pain? Well actually very loved, very cared for and I really really loved our cuddle after. I also felt like I was at school, even though we were never smacked at school the feeling was one of having very few responsibilties, but the ones you do have are punishable. Whilst I really hoped that would be something I would not repeat deep down I knew I would end up over his lap again.

Loving and obeying

It was quite obvious to me that my wedding vows would include the line of love, honour and obey. Since I moved in and had been learning to obey John and be a submissive partner to him in training for a wedding day in which I would then be hopefully a submissive wife.

When I became a homemaker it gave me a lot of time to think. One question I asked was, I am happier now than before I met John? Of course I am. He is loving, kind and protective and nurturing. I love the feeling of security and also (hopefully) adding to his happiness by submitting to him and his leadership. But here I am writing this wearing a skirt, frilly blouse, ballet pumps and tights. I would not be wearing these clothes if it was my choice by I wear them because John wants me to and likes me in girly clothes.

The other point is my behaviour. My behaviour sometimes gets out of control and has done long before I met John. Perhaps all I needed was guidance and control. John takes control to protect me and my well being. Example, we were eating out for the third time in 10 days and I wanted to a huge dessert at the end but John chose for me and didn't allow me a dessert because he felt I had over eaten far too much that week. I would of happly eaten that cake but was glad that John made the decision that enough is enough!

I know full well that my obedience pleases John and in a way I belong to him. He will guide my behaviour. I mean how many times have women asked their OH if they look fat in this outfit, or does this outfit suit me. Most men just lie. Although I still really struggle with clothes and feminine wear I know John likes what I wear because he has chosen it. He has spent time and effort and money buying me these clothes and he loves my apperance.

John and I have spent hours talking about things. That is one thing I like, John talks about his feelings and his desires. What he wants etc. So I knew I was not going into this with my eyes clothes.

In our relationship I submit to John and there are times when I struggle with this. He is the head of the house.. As said I will take my vows in front of everyone and obey will be in them.  I want to obey John and I want to be accountable. Accountable in our relationship does mean discipline.

 I think there are many kinds of discipline, every one has its place. Of course I don't enjoy pain and for that reason is why I should try and avoid it. Rather strange though I find the idea of discipline acceptable with John. Its a strange one for me but I suppose it shows how very different men and women are. It makes me feel cared for and loved and shows he is stronger and I suppose it is a very close act between two people.

When I have done something wrong, been lazy or misbehaved I am upset with myself and dissapointed. The act of discipline will correct this. It is very special and can only be done by John.

Trust is very important and I trust John. I trust him to guide me and when required punish me. He punishes me because he loves me and won't hurt me and I trust him with this. Spanking in our relationship is a last resort. It is not done for sexual aides and its only performed after discussion. I know spanking can be a big thing in some relationships but its not really a big deal in ours.

Our relationship

John has got this habit of explaining everything to me. Before we went away for the weekend (a precursor to me moving in) he talked alot about traditional relationships and even mentioned marriage. He never criticised other peoples marriage or life but wanted to tell me about how our relationship would be. I already new most of his ideals. He disliked me wearing trousers or jeans and I had sort of agreed to wear skirts and dresses. Really it felt to me I was told to wear skirt and dresses. He did not me going bare legged so when I was in his company I would be wearing tights or stockings/holdups. I really disliked this part. A hangup of school days I think but again I agreed to it. In a way I do like to please him by wearing clothes he approves of, even though I truly dislike them.


In terms of the household John believes the wife (or partner) should stay at home and be a homemaker/full time mum. He believes the man is the head of the house and provides for the family. The wife cannot take the role seriosuly if she has to leave the home to go to work. Of course this allows for the opporunity of being able to afford to do this which I pointed out. His rambling about this referred to our situation and he stated that when our relationship develops he wanted me to quit my job and take up the role of homemaker. I found at first this view a bit sexist. On the other hand I loved it. I didn't like my job and though of looking after his house and waiting for him to come home really appealed to me. My career wasn't going anywhere and I was sick of wearing the horrible work suits that John had made me wear to work.


John also has a very protective appeal about him, again something that makes me feel lovely inside and then angry at the same time. He wants to protect me from anything and everything that could pollute my mind as my mind was 100% innoncet. I may not off done much in my life but have seen and experienced perhaps more than he thinks I have. Anyway he doesn't like me watching anything sexual of tv. He turns it off when any sex scene comes on and tells me to go to bed! Wow it makes me mad and makes me feel like a child when he does that.


And finally the head of household role. I did have an idea this was coming up because he had made reference to it on a few occasions but he wanted to tell me straight. As the hoh if I play up, go mad with the credit card or fall well short of his expecations I would be disciplined. The discipline he said would be discussed when I move in but would take the role of a grounding, loss of privelages or if is serious a spanking. I know some couples may use spanking as a sexual element but the spanking in our relationship would be solely for the use of discipline and would be a last resort. The spanking would also be done after the event and never as a sudden reaction to a situation, not that I had ever since John in a rage.

There was lots for me to accept. I was scared and excited about the discipline side but it was something I wanted. I want to be guided by him and accept his guidance and discipline if needed. I knew this would not be easy but I loved this man and want to show my love in anyway I can.