When I became a homemaker it gave me a lot of time to think. One question I asked was, I am happier now than before I met John? Of course I am. He is loving, kind and protective and nurturing. I love the feeling of security and also (hopefully) adding to his happiness by submitting to him and his leadership. But here I am writing this wearing a skirt, frilly blouse, ballet pumps and tights. I would not be wearing these clothes if it was my choice by I wear them because John wants me to and likes me in girly clothes.
The other point is my behaviour. My behaviour sometimes gets out of control and has done long before I met John. Perhaps all I needed was guidance and control. John takes control to protect me and my well being. Example, we were eating out for the third time in 10 days and I wanted to a huge dessert at the end but John chose for me and didn't allow me a dessert because he felt I had over eaten far too much that week. I would of happly eaten that cake but was glad that John made the decision that enough is enough!
I know full well that my obedience pleases John and in a way I belong to him. He will guide my behaviour. I mean how many times have women asked their OH if they look fat in this outfit, or does this outfit suit me. Most men just lie. Although I still really struggle with clothes and feminine wear I know John likes what I wear because he has chosen it. He has spent time and effort and money buying me these clothes and he loves my apperance.
John and I have spent hours talking about things. That is one thing I like, John talks about his feelings and his desires. What he wants etc. So I knew I was not going into this with my eyes clothes.
In our relationship I submit to John and there are times when I struggle with this. He is the head of the house.. As said I will take my vows in front of everyone and obey will be in them. I want to obey John and I want to be accountable. Accountable in our relationship does mean discipline.
I think there are many kinds of discipline, every one has its place. Of course I don't enjoy pain and for that reason is why I should try and avoid it. Rather strange though I find the idea of discipline acceptable with John. Its a strange one for me but I suppose it shows how very different men and women are. It makes me feel cared for and loved and shows he is stronger and I suppose it is a very close act between two people.
When I have done something wrong, been lazy or misbehaved I am upset with myself and dissapointed. The act of discipline will correct this. It is very special and can only be done by John.
Trust is very important and I trust John. I trust him to guide me and when required punish me. He punishes me because he loves me and won't hurt me and I trust him with this. Spanking in our relationship is a last resort. It is not done for sexual aides and its only performed after discussion. I know spanking can be a big thing in some relationships but its not really a big deal in ours.
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