It was quite obvious to me that my wedding vows would include the line of love, honour and obey. Since I moved in and had been learning to obey John and be a submissive partner to him in training for a wedding day in which I would then be hopefully a submissive wife.
When I became a homemaker it gave me a lot of time to think. One question I asked was, I am happier now than before I met John? Of course I am. He is loving, kind and protective and nurturing. I love the feeling of security and also (hopefully) adding to his happiness by submitting to him and his leadership. But here I am writing this wearing a skirt, frilly blouse, ballet pumps and tights. I would not be wearing these clothes if it was my choice by I wear them because John wants me to and likes me in girly clothes.
The other point is my behaviour. My behaviour sometimes gets out of control and has done long before I met John. Perhaps all I needed was guidance and control. John takes control to protect me and my well being. Example, we were eating out for the third time in 10 days and I wanted to a huge dessert at the end but John chose for me and didn't allow me a dessert because he felt I had over eaten far too much that week. I would of happly eaten that cake but was glad that John made the decision that enough is enough!
I know full well that my obedience pleases John and in a way I belong to him. He will guide my behaviour. I mean how many times have women asked their OH if they look fat in this outfit, or does this outfit suit me. Most men just lie. Although I still really struggle with clothes and feminine wear I know John likes what I wear because he has chosen it. He has spent time and effort and money buying me these clothes and he loves my apperance.
John and I have spent hours talking about things. That is one thing I like, John talks about his feelings and his desires. What he wants etc. So I knew I was not going into this with my eyes clothes.
In our relationship I submit to John and there are times when I struggle with this. He is the head of the house.. As said I will take my vows in front of everyone and obey will be in them. I want to obey John and I want to be accountable. Accountable in our relationship does mean discipline.
I think there are many kinds of discipline, every one has its place. Of course I don't enjoy pain and for that reason is why I should try and avoid it. Rather strange though I find the idea of discipline acceptable with John. Its a strange one for me but I suppose it shows how very different men and women are. It makes me feel cared for and loved and shows he is stronger and I suppose it is a very close act between two people.
When I have done something wrong, been lazy or misbehaved I am upset with myself and dissapointed. The act of discipline will correct this. It is very special and can only be done by John.
Trust is very important and I trust John. I trust him to guide me and when required punish me. He punishes me because he loves me and won't hurt me and I trust him with this. Spanking in our relationship is a last resort. It is not done for sexual aides and its only performed after discussion. I know spanking can be a big thing in some relationships but its not really a big deal in ours.
I can't really remember the first weeks when I moved it but I remember getting into a routine. I did certain jobs on certain days and wanted to turn my role as a homemaker into a job. It did anger me a little when John walked in thinking at times I had done nothing. I am expected to cook the meals and wash up after but yes I like looking after him, especially if he has had a long stressful day at work.
One day, quite unexpected, my dad popped around. It was nice to see him. We had a lovely chat but he did tell me some home truths. Things were said that he would never be able to say to me a few months ago. Basically he said I should embrace my role as a housewife (not yet a wife). I was never going to have a sucessful career and my job was going no where. But here was John providing for me. My dad doesn't actually know how strict John can be but I think he had a clue. Everyone knew how I had changed my apperance from this tomboy to a feminine girly girl but most people assumed this change was all me.
"Why can't I just wear jeans sometimes". I blurted out to my dad. "Because Kate, he wants to see you in in a lovely dress or pretty skirt. You don't get that affect in a pair of tight jeans and remember how you complained about your last boyfriends who showed no interest?"
He had a point, John was so loving compared to my last realtionships. I enjoyed our chat and felt happier about myself.
Later that evening John turned up and I asked if I could go out with the girls from the office. Someone else was leaving and they planned to go for something to eat and then off to a club. Great to catch up. No was the answer in part. John didn't want me to go clubbing and mentioned the people were a bad influence. In the end he took me out for a meal which was actually really nice but I did think it would be nice for night with the girls.
John the announced that every Tuesday his mother would be visiting to take me out shopping and to start to plan for our wedding. He had started to open up a bit about his mother and even told me what to wear when she comes around. Skirts were out, it would have to a this horrible linen floral dress with glossy stockings and heels. I still disliked being told what to wear but by now agreed to it. John was not telling me what to wear everyday, he would would just choose a skirt or dress if we were eating out.
John was in a flutter that Tuesday morning and stood over me while I got dressed. He told me to wear my hair in two plaits but I said no. This started a little argument but he did not insist. He went off to work and about an hour later the MIL arrived! Johns mother is called Linda and at the time that was all I knew about her. She kissed me as I opened the door and commented on my dress. To my shock she then touched my leg and I felt my suspender belt push in. "Good, I hate girls wearing tights, that's a sign of a lady". I didn;t say I hated tights and stockings to her.
She went into the kitchen and just started cleaning the work surfaces. I thought they were clean. Soon after we went into town. We looked at several wedding dresses, none really I liked but she took her fancy to one and even phoned up my mum to discuss it. I didn't even knew they talked but apparently they had been out to lunch. We had lunch and then she bought some undies and a skirt. She asked if I was okay for essentials but decided I wasn't and into the basket went some stockings.
Later that afternoon she drove me to the WI. Oh no, I am too young for the womens institute. I would rather be at work than this. Expecting the room to be filled with the over 70's I was surprised. Well it was mainly older people but there was a women there my age(ish). Her name is Louise and her mother dragged along to 6 months ago and she now comes every week. I think this was a set-up but it worked. Finially someone to talk to. Okay, quick fact file, Louise is 35, married with 2 girls under 5. Her husband is a doctor and has similair views as John. I have never seen her in jeans, even when she hads kids and she moans a lot about her husband and her mother in law. Sounds too familiar.
All in all I suppose it wasn't a bad day with the MIL. She cooked tea in the evening, I think she thought I wasn't feeding her son properly. I couldn't wait for her go though. As soon as her car was off the drive John turned the TV and told me to slip out of my dress. I said can't we go upstairs but he was already stripping off. I took my dress off and I felt very vunerable and shy but that didn't stop John. I prefer the bedroom but the settee had to do this time. It was nice.
Well I learnt that the Tuesday meeting with MIL was a fixture from now on, looks like my Tuesdays would never be the same again.
Since I was made redudant things moved fast. I often thought of the words Lorna said to my a few days before I left but things were a whirlwind.
John wanted me to move in straight away so I began by moving some of stuff over and by the middle of the week I moved in. It was quite sad leaving home but I was also very excited. Most of my new clothes were at John's house so I didn't take many clothes over and John had said he wanted to take me shopping again soon. Can't wait I thought.
One thing that did strike me was John had appeared a bit more bossy with me on the days since I left work but I think he was stressed with his job and me moving in. I moved in on the Thursday and John had taken the day off which was nice. He picked me in the afternoon and I was wearing jeans and an old t-shirt mainly because I was cleaning my bedroom out. He didn't say anything but I could read his mind.
On arrival at his house he picked me and put me in a firearms lift and carried me over the threashold. That was fun. He took me up to his bedroom where a bottle of champagne awaited. I could get use to this. He dropped me on the bed and told me to take off my jeans. I said I was oky wearing them, trying to push my luck but he insisted again. Off they came. "And the socks and t-shirt Kate". By the time he had finished I was naked on the bed awaiting his next order!. He disappeared with my clothes and came back, without a word dropped his trousers and boxers. Okay, what now I thought. He cupped his hand behind my head which meant only one thing, oral sex. He directed me without saying a word to come off the bed, so I knelt down on the floor so I was almost level and did my best. On it went and I tried my best again but I didn't really enjoy it. He guided my head again and again until he withdrew and titled my chin upwards and with his finger opened my mouth. I hated facials, but he grunted out and several spurts shot out and dripped over my face. What is the point of them? They are messy and horrible but I suppose they are a very submissive act. John then calmly went to the bathroom and ran a bath for me. I couldn't wait. He then reminded me to shave. How nice.
The rest of the day was spent putting my stuff away whilst John worked on his laptop, Great day off for him! In the evening I cooked for him but felt a bit miffed as I had to do the washing up as well whilst he watched tv. I was exhausted! The night was lovely. We went to bed early and well did what couples do. Well actually John told me to go to bed before him and he insisted I wore my night dress. By the time he came up I was almost asleep. I was awaked by his needs though but it was a lovely night.
The next morning I realised what this change would mean. No more trousers or jeans for me. John told me to wear a pleated skirt I hadn't worn before. It was a bit like a school skirt, quite horrible. I had to wear it with blue ribbed tights, nice and a frilly blouse with my black bow pumps. I made up some breakfast for John and he left me a list of housework. He said he didn't want me leaving my job to slob around, I was going to work as a proper housewife which meant cleaning, cooking, washing, everything, except the heavy duty stuff.
When the door shut behind I started on my jobs. I really wanted to impress him. I soon found out this was harder than going to work. Several loads of washing, then cleaning the cooker and kitchen following by the two bathrooms. I made some some lunch whilst I was preparing tea. By the time John walked in I was exhausted. He came in with some flowers which was lovely but then flopped in the chair. I served him a glass of wine and wanted to take away the stress of his day which he appreicated.
I served tea and he made some comments about the food and then went back to the lounge. I washed up and joined him and we curled up on the settee which was lovely.After the news John told me to go to bed as he wanted to watch a film. I grumbled a bit but in away how nice it felt to be cherised and looked after. He was protecting me from something he felt unsuitable. I didn't want to argue and left for bed. Some hours later he came up and the process started again. He didn't talk to me, he simply lifted my night dress and made love to me in the way he wanted to. I was learning that I was here for him and I was serving his needs. My needs were secondary. At least I was pleasing him which was nice.
So this is really how the structure started. I had so much to learn but I enjoyed waiting for John to come home. It was strange but I did miss work. Not really the work but the office gossip, the chat, the banter, the talk with the girls. Here I now was in a skirt or dress, cooking, cleaning and the doing the washing and ironing. Yes I missed work but could never tell John this.
