John has got this habit of explaining everything to me. Before we went away for the weekend (a precursor to me moving in) he talked alot about traditional relationships and even mentioned marriage. He never criticised other peoples marriage or life but wanted to tell me about how our relationship would be. I already new most of his ideals. He disliked me wearing trousers or jeans and I had sort of agreed to wear skirts and dresses. Really it felt to me I was told to wear skirt and dresses. He did not me going bare legged so when I was in his company I would be wearing tights or stockings/holdups. I really disliked this part. A hangup of school days I think but again I agreed to it. In a way I do like to please him by wearing clothes he approves of, even though I truly dislike them.
In terms of the household John believes the wife (or partner) should stay at home and be a homemaker/full time mum. He believes the man is the head of the house and provides for the family. The wife cannot take the role seriosuly if she has to leave the home to go to work. Of course this allows for the opporunity of being able to afford to do this which I pointed out. His rambling about this referred to our situation and he stated that when our relationship develops he wanted me to quit my job and take up the role of homemaker. I found at first this view a bit sexist. On the other hand I loved it. I didn't like my job and though of looking after his house and waiting for him to come home really appealed to me. My career wasn't going anywhere and I was sick of wearing the horrible work suits that John had made me wear to work.
John also has a very protective appeal about him, again something that makes me feel lovely inside and then angry at the same time. He wants to protect me from anything and everything that could pollute my mind as my mind was 100% innoncet. I may not off done much in my life but have seen and experienced perhaps more than he thinks I have. Anyway he doesn't like me watching anything sexual of tv. He turns it off when any sex scene comes on and tells me to go to bed! Wow it makes me mad and makes me feel like a child when he does that.
And finally the head of household role. I did have an idea this was coming up because he had made reference to it on a few occasions but he wanted to tell me straight. As the hoh if I play up, go mad with the credit card or fall well short of his expecations I would be disciplined. The discipline he said would be discussed when I move in but would take the role of a grounding, loss of privelages or if is serious a spanking. I know some couples may use spanking as a sexual element but the spanking in our relationship would be solely for the use of discipline and would be a last resort. The spanking would also be done after the event and never as a sudden reaction to a situation, not that I had ever since John in a rage.
There was lots for me to accept. I was scared and excited about the discipline side but it was something I wanted. I want to be guided by him and accept his guidance and discipline if needed. I knew this would not be easy but I loved this man and want to show my love in anyway I can.
Monday, 21 March 2011
Friday, 4 March 2011
Stay the weekend
After dating for some time and trying very hard to obey John's rules he asked me to stay over at this house for the weekend as the wanted to take me out on Friday night. Why do I remember this. Well after he asked me he said straight away you can sleep in my bedroom and I will sleep in the spare room. I hadn't expected this. It was a clear statement that our relationship wouldn't move onto the next level. I did and did not want things to move on. Typical me, being mixed up.
By this time some of my clothes I had kept at John's house as he often picked me up from work and we would go back to his house. That Friday we went back to his house as usual. Once in I was told to shower and he would usually pick out a dress for me to wear. I was sort of getting use to this by now. I stepped out of the shower into the bedroom. I could hear John downstairs. He had laid out a black dress I had worn before with black tights and black bow style pumps.
It didn't take me long to get ready. I went downstairs and John complimented me. I asked if I could ditch the tights at it was still quite warm. "You know the rules about hoisery Kate" was the reply. Darn it, worth a try though.
That evening we went on a river boat. It was lovely. We had a meal and there was a jazz type band playing. Not really my type of music but it was good. Several times through the meal John would lean over and brush my hair back. Don't know why I remember that. He said he prefered my hair tied back so it would not hide my face!
After the evening ended I was glad to leave the boat. I was overheating. We talk a walk down the river bank back to the car. I had a few to drink, not drunk or anything but perhaps more flirty than normal. He told me his feelings for me which was lovely, how we wanted me to move in etc but he he wanted our first time to be special. He said outright again that the weekend would be seperate rooms. By now I almost wanted to sleep with him that night.
When we got home the wine effect had worn off. He said tomorrow and Sunday his house was mine. What did he mean?. Well he wanted me to take on the role of the woman in the house. He mentioned it before. Perhaps it was a trial before he would officially ask me to move in. I actually wanted to. Up until now he had done everything and I mean everything from paying for all out trips, to flowers, chocolates and even my darn clothes. I wanted to impress!
We kissed good night and he went to the spare room. I took off my dress and at last freed my legs from the tights and tossed off my shoes and fell straight to sleep.
I woke up to find John in the beddoom. Dam it. I wanted to get up early and cook him breakfast. I asked what time it was. 10:30 he said. I felt bad I looked around the room at my clothes I had thrown down and felt bad.
Come on he said, we will have to go for breakfast. I am not happy the way you take your clothes off. Its like a teenage girls room in here. Tidy up before you come down. I also want to buy you some night dresses. Its something I forgot. I don't want you sleeping in just your underwear.
I quickly got dressed and picked the clothes up from the floor. I wore a skirt he had requested with some navy tights and a white blouse. I darted down the stairs and we drove off.
I could sense he was annoyed. I had let him down. We went into a department store and he bought us both breakfast. He touched on my attitude and I tried to smooth it over. I knew now that I would have to been on my best behaviour.
We went shopping, or should I say John chose. He bought 3 very frilly white night dresses, and then went to the lingerie section. I am sure some people must think he was a crossdresser as he was the one that showed any interest. He picked out several pairs, all white again with varying styles. Non I would of chosen my self. I really didn't lilke the night dresses either. I had always slept in a t-shirt and knickers before.
On the way back we talked more and after our chat I wanted so much to please him by doing what he asked. On return to his house he sat down in the chair to watch some rugby match. I started in ernest by cleaning the kitchen and dining room. I didn't want to vacuum the lounge as he was watching tv. He called me over and asked for a drink. This sound strange but I really loved to wait on him. It felt right. I didn't actually like the cleaning side but it was pleasing him.
When I bought his drink over it was half time and he put the drink to one side and pulled me onto his lap. It was a surprise and he had never been so forthcoming before. He kissed me for what felt like for ever. Would he go further? I wanted him to. He pulled away and then began to stroke my legs. As he stroked my legs my tights began to pull down slightly and I got one awaful wedgie. It felt strange.
Shortly after the match continued and he told me to carry on with the housework. That was me told!
Later that day I tried to cook tea. John made some comments but I think he liked it. I served it to him and then cleaned the table away. It took my quite some time to clean up and by then John was watching a film on tv. I sat down and after about 10 minutes feeling exhausted after all the cooking and cleaning. I started to watch the film and a sexual scene came on. Nothing too bad but John switched the tv off and told me to go to bed. I asked why and he said he didn't want me watching "this type of stuff". I complained bitterly but he repeated it. I swallowed my pride and went upstairs. As I got to his bedroom I remembered I would be wearing a night dress. I undressed and put away my clothes away and slipped on the night dress. It felt very feminine and I felt very girly as I glanced over to the mirror. I jumped into bed and shortly after John came up, said nothing, kissed me on my head and went the spare room.
Sunday came and I got up on time after going to bed early and cooked him breakfast. It felt good again. I had agreed to see my mum for lunch so John dropped me off shortly after. I remember as he drove off thinking I can't wait to see you again even though I disagree with you. Is this love?
By this time some of my clothes I had kept at John's house as he often picked me up from work and we would go back to his house. That Friday we went back to his house as usual. Once in I was told to shower and he would usually pick out a dress for me to wear. I was sort of getting use to this by now. I stepped out of the shower into the bedroom. I could hear John downstairs. He had laid out a black dress I had worn before with black tights and black bow style pumps.
It didn't take me long to get ready. I went downstairs and John complimented me. I asked if I could ditch the tights at it was still quite warm. "You know the rules about hoisery Kate" was the reply. Darn it, worth a try though.
That evening we went on a river boat. It was lovely. We had a meal and there was a jazz type band playing. Not really my type of music but it was good. Several times through the meal John would lean over and brush my hair back. Don't know why I remember that. He said he prefered my hair tied back so it would not hide my face!
After the evening ended I was glad to leave the boat. I was overheating. We talk a walk down the river bank back to the car. I had a few to drink, not drunk or anything but perhaps more flirty than normal. He told me his feelings for me which was lovely, how we wanted me to move in etc but he he wanted our first time to be special. He said outright again that the weekend would be seperate rooms. By now I almost wanted to sleep with him that night.
When we got home the wine effect had worn off. He said tomorrow and Sunday his house was mine. What did he mean?. Well he wanted me to take on the role of the woman in the house. He mentioned it before. Perhaps it was a trial before he would officially ask me to move in. I actually wanted to. Up until now he had done everything and I mean everything from paying for all out trips, to flowers, chocolates and even my darn clothes. I wanted to impress!
We kissed good night and he went to the spare room. I took off my dress and at last freed my legs from the tights and tossed off my shoes and fell straight to sleep.
I woke up to find John in the beddoom. Dam it. I wanted to get up early and cook him breakfast. I asked what time it was. 10:30 he said. I felt bad I looked around the room at my clothes I had thrown down and felt bad.
Come on he said, we will have to go for breakfast. I am not happy the way you take your clothes off. Its like a teenage girls room in here. Tidy up before you come down. I also want to buy you some night dresses. Its something I forgot. I don't want you sleeping in just your underwear.
I quickly got dressed and picked the clothes up from the floor. I wore a skirt he had requested with some navy tights and a white blouse. I darted down the stairs and we drove off.
I could sense he was annoyed. I had let him down. We went into a department store and he bought us both breakfast. He touched on my attitude and I tried to smooth it over. I knew now that I would have to been on my best behaviour.
We went shopping, or should I say John chose. He bought 3 very frilly white night dresses, and then went to the lingerie section. I am sure some people must think he was a crossdresser as he was the one that showed any interest. He picked out several pairs, all white again with varying styles. Non I would of chosen my self. I really didn't lilke the night dresses either. I had always slept in a t-shirt and knickers before.
On the way back we talked more and after our chat I wanted so much to please him by doing what he asked. On return to his house he sat down in the chair to watch some rugby match. I started in ernest by cleaning the kitchen and dining room. I didn't want to vacuum the lounge as he was watching tv. He called me over and asked for a drink. This sound strange but I really loved to wait on him. It felt right. I didn't actually like the cleaning side but it was pleasing him.
When I bought his drink over it was half time and he put the drink to one side and pulled me onto his lap. It was a surprise and he had never been so forthcoming before. He kissed me for what felt like for ever. Would he go further? I wanted him to. He pulled away and then began to stroke my legs. As he stroked my legs my tights began to pull down slightly and I got one awaful wedgie. It felt strange.
Shortly after the match continued and he told me to carry on with the housework. That was me told!
Later that day I tried to cook tea. John made some comments but I think he liked it. I served it to him and then cleaned the table away. It took my quite some time to clean up and by then John was watching a film on tv. I sat down and after about 10 minutes feeling exhausted after all the cooking and cleaning. I started to watch the film and a sexual scene came on. Nothing too bad but John switched the tv off and told me to go to bed. I asked why and he said he didn't want me watching "this type of stuff". I complained bitterly but he repeated it. I swallowed my pride and went upstairs. As I got to his bedroom I remembered I would be wearing a night dress. I undressed and put away my clothes away and slipped on the night dress. It felt very feminine and I felt very girly as I glanced over to the mirror. I jumped into bed and shortly after John came up, said nothing, kissed me on my head and went the spare room.
Sunday came and I got up on time after going to bed early and cooked him breakfast. It felt good again. I had agreed to see my mum for lunch so John dropped me off shortly after. I remember as he drove off thinking I can't wait to see you again even though I disagree with you. Is this love?
Monday, 21 February 2011
The dynamics of our relationship
When I met John I had no idea of the type of relationship I wanted. Its a question I never asked myself. I mean you don't really do you. I wasn't really looking for a new relationship when John came into my life.
After our first few weeks of dating I knew that John liked to be in control. He is traditional and wanted that type of relationship. If someone had asked me before, would you let you boyfriend choose your clothes I would of said no way! But on the other hand I do want him to make the decisions in our relationship. Do I need a man to lead me. Well yes. I can and have looked after myself since John came into my life he has made me feel safe and loved. I loved the fact that John is very confident, where I am quite shy. I trust his judgement. He is also driven by the fact that he is responsible for me and that motivates him. I also believe that with Johns leadership I will do better in life. I actually see his leadership and control as a very special act of love.
Of course you can't have your cake and eat it. By letting John guide me, lead me and in many ways control me there are always decisions he makes that I dislike. But I always try and obey as that is what I have agreed to and deep down it is what I want. I really want to please John but sometimes it doesn't happen.
John takes control in many ways, from my appearance to what time I go to bed. If he feels I am tired and battling myself to stay awake in front of the TV he will tell me to go to bed, even though I would like to watch the end of the film! He also hates me seeing inappropriate content such as violence or sexual stuff. He much prefers me to watch family films and television or sloppy soap operas. He will allow himself to watch what I am not allowed to watch though. Isn't that sexist, but it makes me feel so loved inside. I know this control isn't for everyone and I would of agreed had I not met John but he sets rules and boundaries in a loving way that makes feel so special, a feeling I had never felt before.
He deals with all the money side of things, afterall he earns the money so that make sense. I have responsibilities or chores which are exclusively mine. They are considered womens jobs in Johns book so it means keeping the house clean and tidy (which doesn't come naturally), do the washing and ironing, and cooking, although John does like to cook sometimes. As I am no longer working I don't see this as a problem. It would be unfair to expect John to do everything.
I now love the feeling of our relationship. Yes there are always things that I struggle with but I do them to please John, by making him happy it makes me happy. If I have let myself down I am disappointed and even more so is John. I hate it when this happens and look for guidance from John to correct things.
After our first few weeks of dating I knew that John liked to be in control. He is traditional and wanted that type of relationship. If someone had asked me before, would you let you boyfriend choose your clothes I would of said no way! But on the other hand I do want him to make the decisions in our relationship. Do I need a man to lead me. Well yes. I can and have looked after myself since John came into my life he has made me feel safe and loved. I loved the fact that John is very confident, where I am quite shy. I trust his judgement. He is also driven by the fact that he is responsible for me and that motivates him. I also believe that with Johns leadership I will do better in life. I actually see his leadership and control as a very special act of love.
Of course you can't have your cake and eat it. By letting John guide me, lead me and in many ways control me there are always decisions he makes that I dislike. But I always try and obey as that is what I have agreed to and deep down it is what I want. I really want to please John but sometimes it doesn't happen.
John takes control in many ways, from my appearance to what time I go to bed. If he feels I am tired and battling myself to stay awake in front of the TV he will tell me to go to bed, even though I would like to watch the end of the film! He also hates me seeing inappropriate content such as violence or sexual stuff. He much prefers me to watch family films and television or sloppy soap operas. He will allow himself to watch what I am not allowed to watch though. Isn't that sexist, but it makes me feel so loved inside. I know this control isn't for everyone and I would of agreed had I not met John but he sets rules and boundaries in a loving way that makes feel so special, a feeling I had never felt before.
He deals with all the money side of things, afterall he earns the money so that make sense. I have responsibilities or chores which are exclusively mine. They are considered womens jobs in Johns book so it means keeping the house clean and tidy (which doesn't come naturally), do the washing and ironing, and cooking, although John does like to cook sometimes. As I am no longer working I don't see this as a problem. It would be unfair to expect John to do everything.
I now love the feeling of our relationship. Yes there are always things that I struggle with but I do them to please John, by making him happy it makes me happy. If I have let myself down I am disappointed and even more so is John. I hate it when this happens and look for guidance from John to correct things.
Monday, 14 February 2011
Changing from tomboy to girly girl.
After that date when he confessed he hated what I wore I had time to think. Part of me was angry, the other part felt loved. We must of spent hours talking on the phone about it. This was his take:
He said that although I probably won't admit it I am vunerable. I have been hurt in the past and I need protecting. He is desperate to protect me. He wants to guide me and lead me. He wants to take away all my problems. He wants to protect me from the world. He touched on work and said he didn't like me there because a lot of the male colleagues were very poor role models and a bad influence. He wanted me to have a dependancy on him.
He asked what I thought of a man wearing womens clothes. Did this turn me on? Of course not!. He said it was a direct comparsion but when a woman wears trousers and trainers it takes away the femine aspect of a woman. He said all this might appear sexist but its not. For John he wants to be the protector of me which feels lovely.
Another area John talked about was letting go. He said he once observed me playing with the salt and pepper pot at a cafe when he was paying. How embarrasing I thought but I do tend to do silly things. He said he was to nuture this. He said I have an inner child in me that has never gone away and that I should never hide it away as when its out I am at my most innocent. I thought that was a nice comment but didn't really understand it. He explained I don't like responsibility and with him he would be responsible for me.
He then struck a chord. He talked about when my mum use to make me wear skirts or dresses when we went out as a family. When I became an adult I had never learnt to accept normal girls or womens clothes. John would now have to treat me in a child like way and make me wear feminine clothes. Boy I was confused.
Back to the topic. John had agreed to take me shopping. A first for me, my past boyfriends hated shopping and I didn't like it much either. He even told me the night before what to wear. I was to wear a pair of jeans which seemed strange and a pair of shoes and a blouse of my choice. He made no comment about underwear luckily.
He picked me up and we drove off, me expecting to go the the nearest shopping centre but he headed off in the opposite direction. I asked where he was taking me and he said "Wait and see princess". Princess? This was the first time he called me princess. I smiled in accpetance. It felt okay him saying it.
After what seemed ages we arrived in a market town I use to visit occasionally when I was younger as my Aunt lived there. It had all the usual high street shops together with some independent shops. So after parking the car he led me away and the first shop was M&S. How predictable I thought. John then suprised me by saying he just wanted to buy some cufflinks. He knew what he wanted and put them in the basket. We then wondered over to the dreaded hosiery section. I tried to look interested and was actually surprised about the selection. Not that I was choosing. He picked off a multi pack of 60 denier opaque brown tights and put them straight in the basket without consulting me. He then bought himself some other stuff, a tie from memory. At least he only bought one pack of tights for me. He paid and we decided to have a coffee in the shop. I thought this a little strange as we had only got there.
As we sat down, he told me to go the toilet to put on my tights under my jeans. Why I thought and asked!. Simple he said. I would be trying on lots of skirts and dresses today so needed to be wearing them. Can't I try them on bare legged if I am just trying them? I then sensed a little annoyance in his tone. Just put them on he said, they are just a normal part of a womans wardrobe. Go on.
I was told! I got up a little reluctant and went into the toilets. I went into the cubicle and sat down. I undid my jeans and lowered them down. I was wearing charlie brown socks! Funny what you remember. I took them off and opened the pack of tights. 60 denier. I thought they were too thick and I would start to get too hot, especially shopping all day. I had agreed though so I gathered the one leg up and slowly began to peel it back onto my leg. Suddenly all the thoughts of my childhood came back to me. What was I doing? I continued and gathered the other leg up and stepped into them. I rolled them up and watched my legs being covered in brown denier. I felt uncomortable when they reached my waist. Then I thought, come on, they are only tights, what's the big deal and John will be happy. I still felt sorry for myself though. Anyway I whipped on my jeans and shoes and went back out.
As I walked back to the table John could now see I was wearing tights. His eyes wandered down to my shoes. "See that wasn't that bad was it?". I explained my concerns but they were dismissed. He even asked me to hand over my lovely charlie brown socks, apparently to avoid tempation. He stuffed them into his bag. Come on then princess, lets go shopping.
We first entered a traditional womens boutique. It was quite a nice shop, with plenty of choice, mainly the dressier end. Its a shop I would have never walked into. The shop assistant was mid 40's and smiled. She put on a fake smile and muttered something about helping us if we needed it. John went to over to evening dresses. I stoold there looking a bit dum, thinking shouldn't this be the other way around? Not long after John pulled out a evening beaded cocktail dress and put it towards my front. I looked in horror. I can't wear that. He seemed to ignore me and told me to try it. I complained again and gave him a child like look. He just pointed to the changing room and told me not be silly. I huffed a bit and went to change.
I hated it. I never liked dresses. I hated the restriction, the look, the feel just everything. Well its a compromise I thought. If I agree on 1 dress he may back off. I took my jeans off for a second time. I took of my top and changed into the dress. It was a silk dress and well very dressey. It was royal blue in colour, very floaty and had a chiffon style neckline. I looked at myself in the mirror. Clearly the tights didn't match. I looked uncomfortable.
The shop has seats arranged outside the changing rooms so you could parade to your partner. I nervously stepped out for approval. Johns eyes turned into goldfish bowls. His whole face lit up. "My god princess, the change is amazing. You look 1000 dollars. You can see now why jeans and t-shirts just don't work." I continued to stand there while he commented on my change. It felt nice in a way, but I didn't like the dress and didn't like been told what to wear. He didn't ask my opinion why upset me.
I changed back into my jeans, very tempted to take off my tights at this stage but resisted. I pulled back the curtain and John grabbed the dress and took it the till.
We then went into a high street shop to try on some skirts. I paid a little more interest in the skirts than the dress. Not that John seemed to listen to my choices. I must admit he had a good eye for detail, better for me, quickly grabbing skirts from the rack and putting them against me and deciding. He eventually selected 3 skirts and directed me to the changing rooms. I showed the girl the skirts and she handed me a token. Off came the jeans again and I slipped the first skirt on each, a flared brown knee lenght skirt. I popped out the changing room and walked towards John. He approved and I went back. This went on again and I tried on a layered skirt which John approved on again. I then tried on pencil skirt and by now just wanted John to approve but I could see he didn't like the pencil skirt.
Finially I got out and he purchased the two skirts and put the pencil skirt back. Off we went again. We then went back to M&S and he picked out some "work skirts" which filled with me horror. I hated people noticing something different about me. This really would get the tongues wagging. Anyway John had decided and I tried on another 4 skirts of which he purchased 3.
We then back to the hoisery section at which point I asked if I could get some leggings. No was the blunt answer. He literally chose loads of tights and also 3 pairs of hold ups. I had never worn holdups before. We then went to choose some tops. He picked out a floral print blouse, a woven ruffle blouse and another layered type blouse.
You may be wondering how I remember all this. Well this is a direct copy from my diary, but the day is still as clear in my mind now as it were yesterday.
All this had taken ages but John hadn't finished. He could see I was wearing thin but wanted me to try on some shoes. I pursuaded him to stay in the same shop. I tried on 2 pairs ballet pump style shoes. Both pairs had the bow style on. He seemed happy so he bought them. When he paid I had wondered off to the exit. Actually I was looking at a watch. He waved to me and walked over. "I want you to put this skirt and blouse on with the shoes I have bought for. I had a word with the changing room assistant. You can change now." I tried to talk him out it but I felt guilty afterall he had bought all the clothes. I went back in slipped my comfortable jeans off and put the layered skirt on, then the blouse and shoes. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a bit upset. What was I doing? I thought I look unhappy John may change his mind.
I don't think he noticed my expression when I walked out. His eyes went wide again and he commented on how lovely I looked. We walked back to the car with his compliments continuing. He carefully put all the bags in the boot and got in. "We are not finished yet, I am taking you for lunch". He could see I had tears in my eyes now. He got in the car and asked the reason for the tears.
I explained it felt like going back to a child, being told and made to wear clothes I disliked. He then told me to close my eyes, which I did. He then put my hands on my knees. He then slightly tilted my head to each his and kissed me. Wow it felt wonderful. We had kissed before but not like this. I felt wonderful. He then said, as a plain as day "I love you". That was the first time he said it. He repeated what he had said about how jeans don't work for me and how great I looked in a skirt or blouse.
Then the serious words came out. He told me from now on every time we date I was to wear a skirt or dress and always with tights. He said that meant for work as well. I asked why can't I go bare legged. His answer was mixed. He said he didn't like other men looking at my bare legs, for his eyes only and that tights were just a normal but feminine part of a girls wardrobe. He said he appreicated it was a big move but insisted in no time at all I would forget I was wearing them or a skirt, it would become normal.
So this was the start of my long journey from a tomboy to a feminine girl. Pleasing a man is not as easy as I had thought.
He said that although I probably won't admit it I am vunerable. I have been hurt in the past and I need protecting. He is desperate to protect me. He wants to guide me and lead me. He wants to take away all my problems. He wants to protect me from the world. He touched on work and said he didn't like me there because a lot of the male colleagues were very poor role models and a bad influence. He wanted me to have a dependancy on him.
He asked what I thought of a man wearing womens clothes. Did this turn me on? Of course not!. He said it was a direct comparsion but when a woman wears trousers and trainers it takes away the femine aspect of a woman. He said all this might appear sexist but its not. For John he wants to be the protector of me which feels lovely.
Another area John talked about was letting go. He said he once observed me playing with the salt and pepper pot at a cafe when he was paying. How embarrasing I thought but I do tend to do silly things. He said he was to nuture this. He said I have an inner child in me that has never gone away and that I should never hide it away as when its out I am at my most innocent. I thought that was a nice comment but didn't really understand it. He explained I don't like responsibility and with him he would be responsible for me.
He then struck a chord. He talked about when my mum use to make me wear skirts or dresses when we went out as a family. When I became an adult I had never learnt to accept normal girls or womens clothes. John would now have to treat me in a child like way and make me wear feminine clothes. Boy I was confused.
Back to the topic. John had agreed to take me shopping. A first for me, my past boyfriends hated shopping and I didn't like it much either. He even told me the night before what to wear. I was to wear a pair of jeans which seemed strange and a pair of shoes and a blouse of my choice. He made no comment about underwear luckily.
He picked me up and we drove off, me expecting to go the the nearest shopping centre but he headed off in the opposite direction. I asked where he was taking me and he said "Wait and see princess". Princess? This was the first time he called me princess. I smiled in accpetance. It felt okay him saying it.
After what seemed ages we arrived in a market town I use to visit occasionally when I was younger as my Aunt lived there. It had all the usual high street shops together with some independent shops. So after parking the car he led me away and the first shop was M&S. How predictable I thought. John then suprised me by saying he just wanted to buy some cufflinks. He knew what he wanted and put them in the basket. We then wondered over to the dreaded hosiery section. I tried to look interested and was actually surprised about the selection. Not that I was choosing. He picked off a multi pack of 60 denier opaque brown tights and put them straight in the basket without consulting me. He then bought himself some other stuff, a tie from memory. At least he only bought one pack of tights for me. He paid and we decided to have a coffee in the shop. I thought this a little strange as we had only got there.
As we sat down, he told me to go the toilet to put on my tights under my jeans. Why I thought and asked!. Simple he said. I would be trying on lots of skirts and dresses today so needed to be wearing them. Can't I try them on bare legged if I am just trying them? I then sensed a little annoyance in his tone. Just put them on he said, they are just a normal part of a womans wardrobe. Go on.
I was told! I got up a little reluctant and went into the toilets. I went into the cubicle and sat down. I undid my jeans and lowered them down. I was wearing charlie brown socks! Funny what you remember. I took them off and opened the pack of tights. 60 denier. I thought they were too thick and I would start to get too hot, especially shopping all day. I had agreed though so I gathered the one leg up and slowly began to peel it back onto my leg. Suddenly all the thoughts of my childhood came back to me. What was I doing? I continued and gathered the other leg up and stepped into them. I rolled them up and watched my legs being covered in brown denier. I felt uncomortable when they reached my waist. Then I thought, come on, they are only tights, what's the big deal and John will be happy. I still felt sorry for myself though. Anyway I whipped on my jeans and shoes and went back out.
As I walked back to the table John could now see I was wearing tights. His eyes wandered down to my shoes. "See that wasn't that bad was it?". I explained my concerns but they were dismissed. He even asked me to hand over my lovely charlie brown socks, apparently to avoid tempation. He stuffed them into his bag. Come on then princess, lets go shopping.
We first entered a traditional womens boutique. It was quite a nice shop, with plenty of choice, mainly the dressier end. Its a shop I would have never walked into. The shop assistant was mid 40's and smiled. She put on a fake smile and muttered something about helping us if we needed it. John went to over to evening dresses. I stoold there looking a bit dum, thinking shouldn't this be the other way around? Not long after John pulled out a evening beaded cocktail dress and put it towards my front. I looked in horror. I can't wear that. He seemed to ignore me and told me to try it. I complained again and gave him a child like look. He just pointed to the changing room and told me not be silly. I huffed a bit and went to change.
I hated it. I never liked dresses. I hated the restriction, the look, the feel just everything. Well its a compromise I thought. If I agree on 1 dress he may back off. I took my jeans off for a second time. I took of my top and changed into the dress. It was a silk dress and well very dressey. It was royal blue in colour, very floaty and had a chiffon style neckline. I looked at myself in the mirror. Clearly the tights didn't match. I looked uncomfortable.
The shop has seats arranged outside the changing rooms so you could parade to your partner. I nervously stepped out for approval. Johns eyes turned into goldfish bowls. His whole face lit up. "My god princess, the change is amazing. You look 1000 dollars. You can see now why jeans and t-shirts just don't work." I continued to stand there while he commented on my change. It felt nice in a way, but I didn't like the dress and didn't like been told what to wear. He didn't ask my opinion why upset me.
I changed back into my jeans, very tempted to take off my tights at this stage but resisted. I pulled back the curtain and John grabbed the dress and took it the till.
We then went into a high street shop to try on some skirts. I paid a little more interest in the skirts than the dress. Not that John seemed to listen to my choices. I must admit he had a good eye for detail, better for me, quickly grabbing skirts from the rack and putting them against me and deciding. He eventually selected 3 skirts and directed me to the changing rooms. I showed the girl the skirts and she handed me a token. Off came the jeans again and I slipped the first skirt on each, a flared brown knee lenght skirt. I popped out the changing room and walked towards John. He approved and I went back. This went on again and I tried on a layered skirt which John approved on again. I then tried on pencil skirt and by now just wanted John to approve but I could see he didn't like the pencil skirt.
Finially I got out and he purchased the two skirts and put the pencil skirt back. Off we went again. We then went back to M&S and he picked out some "work skirts" which filled with me horror. I hated people noticing something different about me. This really would get the tongues wagging. Anyway John had decided and I tried on another 4 skirts of which he purchased 3.
We then back to the hoisery section at which point I asked if I could get some leggings. No was the blunt answer. He literally chose loads of tights and also 3 pairs of hold ups. I had never worn holdups before. We then went to choose some tops. He picked out a floral print blouse, a woven ruffle blouse and another layered type blouse.
You may be wondering how I remember all this. Well this is a direct copy from my diary, but the day is still as clear in my mind now as it were yesterday.
All this had taken ages but John hadn't finished. He could see I was wearing thin but wanted me to try on some shoes. I pursuaded him to stay in the same shop. I tried on 2 pairs ballet pump style shoes. Both pairs had the bow style on. He seemed happy so he bought them. When he paid I had wondered off to the exit. Actually I was looking at a watch. He waved to me and walked over. "I want you to put this skirt and blouse on with the shoes I have bought for. I had a word with the changing room assistant. You can change now." I tried to talk him out it but I felt guilty afterall he had bought all the clothes. I went back in slipped my comfortable jeans off and put the layered skirt on, then the blouse and shoes. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a bit upset. What was I doing? I thought I look unhappy John may change his mind.
I don't think he noticed my expression when I walked out. His eyes went wide again and he commented on how lovely I looked. We walked back to the car with his compliments continuing. He carefully put all the bags in the boot and got in. "We are not finished yet, I am taking you for lunch". He could see I had tears in my eyes now. He got in the car and asked the reason for the tears.
I explained it felt like going back to a child, being told and made to wear clothes I disliked. He then told me to close my eyes, which I did. He then put my hands on my knees. He then slightly tilted my head to each his and kissed me. Wow it felt wonderful. We had kissed before but not like this. I felt wonderful. He then said, as a plain as day "I love you". That was the first time he said it. He repeated what he had said about how jeans don't work for me and how great I looked in a skirt or blouse.
Then the serious words came out. He told me from now on every time we date I was to wear a skirt or dress and always with tights. He said that meant for work as well. I asked why can't I go bare legged. His answer was mixed. He said he didn't like other men looking at my bare legs, for his eyes only and that tights were just a normal but feminine part of a girls wardrobe. He said he appreicated it was a big move but insisted in no time at all I would forget I was wearing them or a skirt, it would become normal.
So this was the start of my long journey from a tomboy to a feminine girl. Pleasing a man is not as easy as I had thought.
Monday, 7 February 2011
Reading the signs
After my first 2 dates I knew that John was a bit different to my past boyfriends. Perhaps it had something to do with the age, (he is 12 years old than me). It was more than that. He was (and is) very traditional, which was a bit strange at first. The manners, the views, the expectations etc.
It was nice to be greeted on a date with a bunch of flowers. I loved it that it he opened the car door for me. I loved it that he got up himself from the table when I went to the toilet. I had never experienced it before. I offered to do the lifts once and he said it was always the mans job to the driving! hmm.
When I began to think about it though I realised I wanted to make sure that our relationship was equal and I was a woman that could do anything that a man could do. I don't know why. But then I did want him to do the driving and open the doors, that bit felt nice. I loved the feeling of being protected and looked after. I had never felt so safe in a relationship before and we had only been on a few dates.
So I was a bit confused. I loved the way he treated me but I suppose growing up, girls are taught to be equal. What should I do?
My other confusion was my feelings. For the first time I really began to have feelings for him. I missed him he wasn't around. I looked forward to his text message or phone call. I got butterflys in my stomach when I waited for him to knock the door on our dates. Was I was falling in love?
Anyway, coming back to the question, one of the things I like about John is his direct approach. I say like, there are many times I don't like what is he saying or telling me.
I think it was our third or fourth date. He did not tell me where he was taking me. It was in the afternoon. I had booked the day off for some reason. He pulled up and baag on time again and knocked the door. He presented me with a small box of chocolates, wrapped with a lovely bow. I put them on the side and then he pulled the trouser on my leg and said "I have really got to get you into a wearing a skirt". I thought, not again. By now I was use to him put his arm through mine as he led me down the path.
We drove off and ended up by the river. I was dreading another posh restaurant episode but he took me to a place I had been before. It was quite a low key affair and I felt comfortable. Inside the place was nearly empty. The waitress suggested a table but he asked for one by the window in the corner.
As we sat down he started to talk about "us". He did the talking. I remember he said that he would never hurt me and for me to trust in him. I was begining to trust him. He mentioned some of his past relationships and why they had not worked out. He then said he wanted to be open and straightforward from the start. As I said I can't remember the exact words but this is what was said.
He was a traditional man and wanted to share all his time with me. He didn't like me wearing trousers and trainers and t-shirts. He wanted me to start wearing skirts and dresses when we date. I agreed then that the ocassional skirt I could put up with but I didn't really own any. He laughed a bit and said that he would buy any new clothes afterall it was him that was requesting it. So by now I had agreed to a new wardrobe! Was this something I would regret.
John also discussed the makeup of a traditional relationship. It angered him if I tried to pay or offer to do the driving. This is his world. He didn't want me to worry about money, driving, deciding where to go. All I was to do was to look "feminine".
So how did I feel. Well I felt warmth, I felt I belonged and I felt very loved. I then felt a little annoyed that I soon would be wearing a skirt when we dated next. These were the signs of something new? I was also very worried. How would I look feminine for him?
.
It was nice to be greeted on a date with a bunch of flowers. I loved it that it he opened the car door for me. I loved it that he got up himself from the table when I went to the toilet. I had never experienced it before. I offered to do the lifts once and he said it was always the mans job to the driving! hmm.
When I began to think about it though I realised I wanted to make sure that our relationship was equal and I was a woman that could do anything that a man could do. I don't know why. But then I did want him to do the driving and open the doors, that bit felt nice. I loved the feeling of being protected and looked after. I had never felt so safe in a relationship before and we had only been on a few dates.
So I was a bit confused. I loved the way he treated me but I suppose growing up, girls are taught to be equal. What should I do?
My other confusion was my feelings. For the first time I really began to have feelings for him. I missed him he wasn't around. I looked forward to his text message or phone call. I got butterflys in my stomach when I waited for him to knock the door on our dates. Was I was falling in love?
Anyway, coming back to the question, one of the things I like about John is his direct approach. I say like, there are many times I don't like what is he saying or telling me.
I think it was our third or fourth date. He did not tell me where he was taking me. It was in the afternoon. I had booked the day off for some reason. He pulled up and baag on time again and knocked the door. He presented me with a small box of chocolates, wrapped with a lovely bow. I put them on the side and then he pulled the trouser on my leg and said "I have really got to get you into a wearing a skirt". I thought, not again. By now I was use to him put his arm through mine as he led me down the path.
We drove off and ended up by the river. I was dreading another posh restaurant episode but he took me to a place I had been before. It was quite a low key affair and I felt comfortable. Inside the place was nearly empty. The waitress suggested a table but he asked for one by the window in the corner.
As we sat down he started to talk about "us". He did the talking. I remember he said that he would never hurt me and for me to trust in him. I was begining to trust him. He mentioned some of his past relationships and why they had not worked out. He then said he wanted to be open and straightforward from the start. As I said I can't remember the exact words but this is what was said.
He was a traditional man and wanted to share all his time with me. He didn't like me wearing trousers and trainers and t-shirts. He wanted me to start wearing skirts and dresses when we date. I agreed then that the ocassional skirt I could put up with but I didn't really own any. He laughed a bit and said that he would buy any new clothes afterall it was him that was requesting it. So by now I had agreed to a new wardrobe! Was this something I would regret.
John also discussed the makeup of a traditional relationship. It angered him if I tried to pay or offer to do the driving. This is his world. He didn't want me to worry about money, driving, deciding where to go. All I was to do was to look "feminine".
So how did I feel. Well I felt warmth, I felt I belonged and I felt very loved. I then felt a little annoyed that I soon would be wearing a skirt when we dated next. These were the signs of something new? I was also very worried. How would I look feminine for him?
.
Thursday, 3 February 2011
The two dates
Thought I would write about my first few dates with John since our first encounter.
John asked me out again, but stressed that I should tell nobody at work. I agreed as I knew it would cause gossip, something neither of us wanted.
He said he would pick me at 7 and we would go out for a meal. He did not say where we were going. I got home from work that day and had a shower. I did not think about what I would wear. I just put on what came to hand, which was a pair of black bootleg trousers and a floral blouse. I didn't have time to wash my hair so tied it back.
I was ready for ages and remember waiting for the door bell to ring. Dead on 7 the door bell rang. By now I felt really nervous for some reason. I opened the door and was greeted by a bunch of flowers. That put me at ease.
I welcomed him into the hall. Luckily nobody else was in. I put the flowers in water and then headed back, leaving him standing in the hall! He was dressed very smart, wearing a suit.
He offered his hand which I thought was a bit strange, but he tucked into my arm and when headed down the path to his car. I felt a bit embarrassed. He took me to the passenger car door and opened the door for me. I jumped in before he got round to the other door.
I asked where we were going he said it was a surprise. I can't remember what else we talked about, mainly work stuff.
When we pulled up to the restaurant it was a grand old place, very posh. Another couple were walking in and I remember she was wearing an elegant dress. I didn't wait for him to open the door again and he was a bit annoyed by this. "Next time you should wait for me to open the door"
He put his arm through mine again and it was the first time I felt protected. I was actually really nervous about walking in.
We were shown to our table and the waiter pulled the chair away from the table for me and then put a napkin on my lap. John then ordered a bottle of wine and the waiter left the table. I asked John if I was okay the way I was dressed as by now I was by sure the only woman in the restaurant wearing trousers!. To my suprise he said "Its something we can sort out for next time" I asked him if he did not like what I was wearing. He apolgised and said he should of told me where we were going but presumed I would wear a dress.
The meal was a bit strained but went better as the evening went on. After a few glasses of wine I plucked up the courage to say I didn't have any dresses and only about 2 skirts and did not feel comfortable in girly girl clothes. He of course turned it all around by saying how beautiful I would look by wearing skirts and showing some leg.
Anyway the night went on and we talked about all sorts, but thats what I remember mostly. We also talked about family, and holidays etc. By the end of the night I had enjoyed myself. He dropped my off about 12. I went to my bedroom and my mum had moved my flowers to my room. I smelt them before going to bed.
I had a weeks holiday the next week and John sent me a text to meet him in town in a coffee shop. As it was a low key meet up and went along in my jeans. I put on a more feminine blouse I had dug up from the back of wardrobe. When we met his kissed me and we ordered. About 5 minutes in he commented again on my clothes. "I really want to see you dressed up" and so it went on. I asked him if he didn't lilke me if I didn't wear a skirt, but he got a little angry at that comment and for the first time said how lovely I was and how he really like me. I really warmed to him when he said that. I loved the words he used.
John asked me out again, but stressed that I should tell nobody at work. I agreed as I knew it would cause gossip, something neither of us wanted.
He said he would pick me at 7 and we would go out for a meal. He did not say where we were going. I got home from work that day and had a shower. I did not think about what I would wear. I just put on what came to hand, which was a pair of black bootleg trousers and a floral blouse. I didn't have time to wash my hair so tied it back.
I was ready for ages and remember waiting for the door bell to ring. Dead on 7 the door bell rang. By now I felt really nervous for some reason. I opened the door and was greeted by a bunch of flowers. That put me at ease.
I welcomed him into the hall. Luckily nobody else was in. I put the flowers in water and then headed back, leaving him standing in the hall! He was dressed very smart, wearing a suit.
He offered his hand which I thought was a bit strange, but he tucked into my arm and when headed down the path to his car. I felt a bit embarrassed. He took me to the passenger car door and opened the door for me. I jumped in before he got round to the other door.
I asked where we were going he said it was a surprise. I can't remember what else we talked about, mainly work stuff.
When we pulled up to the restaurant it was a grand old place, very posh. Another couple were walking in and I remember she was wearing an elegant dress. I didn't wait for him to open the door again and he was a bit annoyed by this. "Next time you should wait for me to open the door"
He put his arm through mine again and it was the first time I felt protected. I was actually really nervous about walking in.
We were shown to our table and the waiter pulled the chair away from the table for me and then put a napkin on my lap. John then ordered a bottle of wine and the waiter left the table. I asked John if I was okay the way I was dressed as by now I was by sure the only woman in the restaurant wearing trousers!. To my suprise he said "Its something we can sort out for next time" I asked him if he did not like what I was wearing. He apolgised and said he should of told me where we were going but presumed I would wear a dress.
The meal was a bit strained but went better as the evening went on. After a few glasses of wine I plucked up the courage to say I didn't have any dresses and only about 2 skirts and did not feel comfortable in girly girl clothes. He of course turned it all around by saying how beautiful I would look by wearing skirts and showing some leg.
Anyway the night went on and we talked about all sorts, but thats what I remember mostly. We also talked about family, and holidays etc. By the end of the night I had enjoyed myself. He dropped my off about 12. I went to my bedroom and my mum had moved my flowers to my room. I smelt them before going to bed.
I had a weeks holiday the next week and John sent me a text to meet him in town in a coffee shop. As it was a low key meet up and went along in my jeans. I put on a more feminine blouse I had dug up from the back of wardrobe. When we met his kissed me and we ordered. About 5 minutes in he commented again on my clothes. "I really want to see you dressed up" and so it went on. I asked him if he didn't lilke me if I didn't wear a skirt, but he got a little angry at that comment and for the first time said how lovely I was and how he really like me. I really warmed to him when he said that. I loved the words he used.
We went for a walk in the afternoon and talked and talked. Following that date I began to get real feelings for him. Was this the start of something new?
Monday, 31 January 2011
Have I always been a tomboy?
If I answer my own question the answer is yes. Let me explain. I grew up with an older brother and did my best to keep up with him. That meant climbing trees, playing football, helping dad in the garage. I actually did not see any difference between girls and boys.
Looking back now I could see my mother was disappointed but at the time she never said anything. I never showed any interest in clothes and my mother chose all my clothes. I do remember having to wear a dress on certain occasions. We always went out for a family meal of my father's birthday and mother always bought me a new dress. She loved dressing me, putting my hair to a fussy style usually with a ribbon or bow. I did feel uncomfortable and did have a few tantrums as kids do but she always stayed firm. When she finished dressing me she would call dad into my room for an inspection. He always complimented me and hugged me tightly. This was one of the first times I recall that girls had to dress up to please the opposite sex!
I had to wear a skirt for school, but as all the other girls wore one I didn't really complain that much.
When I was about 8 I went to my first pony club and loved it. My parents could of never afforded to buy me a pony but they did pay for me to have a weekly lesson which I loved. The one down side to this was that my mother was desperate for me to start dancing. She had danced as a child and signed me up for Irish dancing lessons.
Although I didn't like dancing I was quite good. I would never of deliberately been bad at dancing, even as a child. My mother would of known straight away if wasn't putting in any effort. I hated the costumes. As you can imagine they were very girly but just had to put up with it. I couldn't wait to take them off. The opposite of going to the pony club, I loved wear jodhpurs.
Anyway although I was a tomboy most of the time I was made to go dancing and wear girly clothes. I continued with both dancing and pony club and then horse riding for most of my childhood. When I wasn't dancing or horse riding I just wore jeans or shorts around the house. In the school week I wasn't allowed to change out of my school uniform. Mum would go mad saying it create more washing and ironing. My brother had the same rule as well.
So although I hated dresses and skirts and the rest of the accesories that go with it I did have to wear girly clothes at times. Not by choice though.
When I moved to high school the uniform was very strict. It was still a skirt, but a blazer as well and the skirt had to fall on the knee. It you wore it too short you would get sent home. Not that I ever wanted to wear my skirt short.
Wearing a school uniform didn't really bother me. Everyone had to wear one so it was no problem. The uniform had the option of knee socks or tights in the winter and ankle socks in the summer term. I hated wearing tights. I had to wear tights sometimes for dancing and mum always made me wear them when we went out for family meals. Whenever my mum made me wear tights it would always end up in a row.
As more girls started to wear tights I thought I would have to start wearing them soon, simply to fit in. I suggested it to my mum expecting her to be pleased. How wrong was I! She said tights were a privelage and that I would have to continue to wear knee socks to school. She was pleased that I had accepted I had to wear tights but the school uniform was not a fashion statement. I think she was getting back at me for all those arguments we had had. To make matters worse she said that I should wear a skirt and tights all weekend now that I had finially given up my tomboy days. I hadn't! All I wanted to do was wear tights to school, I still hated wearing them. The whole thing had back fired. I didn't wear a skirt and tights that weekend and mum couldn't stop teasing me about how I had gone about wearing them.
There are lots of other silly stories about my childhood I will share when I get chance. When I left school I ditched the skirts and lived in jeans and trousers. I had given up dancing as well and turned back into a die hard tomboy. I loved my jeans and t-shirts and jumpers. I suppose I used those clothes to hide away. I was and I not very confident and the thought of wearing skimpy dresses or skirts horrified me. I looked a mess but I didn't draw attention to myself. Perhaps it all comes down to confidence? Perhaps!
Looking back now I could see my mother was disappointed but at the time she never said anything. I never showed any interest in clothes and my mother chose all my clothes. I do remember having to wear a dress on certain occasions. We always went out for a family meal of my father's birthday and mother always bought me a new dress. She loved dressing me, putting my hair to a fussy style usually with a ribbon or bow. I did feel uncomfortable and did have a few tantrums as kids do but she always stayed firm. When she finished dressing me she would call dad into my room for an inspection. He always complimented me and hugged me tightly. This was one of the first times I recall that girls had to dress up to please the opposite sex!
I had to wear a skirt for school, but as all the other girls wore one I didn't really complain that much.
When I was about 8 I went to my first pony club and loved it. My parents could of never afforded to buy me a pony but they did pay for me to have a weekly lesson which I loved. The one down side to this was that my mother was desperate for me to start dancing. She had danced as a child and signed me up for Irish dancing lessons.
Although I didn't like dancing I was quite good. I would never of deliberately been bad at dancing, even as a child. My mother would of known straight away if wasn't putting in any effort. I hated the costumes. As you can imagine they were very girly but just had to put up with it. I couldn't wait to take them off. The opposite of going to the pony club, I loved wear jodhpurs.
Anyway although I was a tomboy most of the time I was made to go dancing and wear girly clothes. I continued with both dancing and pony club and then horse riding for most of my childhood. When I wasn't dancing or horse riding I just wore jeans or shorts around the house. In the school week I wasn't allowed to change out of my school uniform. Mum would go mad saying it create more washing and ironing. My brother had the same rule as well.
So although I hated dresses and skirts and the rest of the accesories that go with it I did have to wear girly clothes at times. Not by choice though.
When I moved to high school the uniform was very strict. It was still a skirt, but a blazer as well and the skirt had to fall on the knee. It you wore it too short you would get sent home. Not that I ever wanted to wear my skirt short.
Wearing a school uniform didn't really bother me. Everyone had to wear one so it was no problem. The uniform had the option of knee socks or tights in the winter and ankle socks in the summer term. I hated wearing tights. I had to wear tights sometimes for dancing and mum always made me wear them when we went out for family meals. Whenever my mum made me wear tights it would always end up in a row.
As more girls started to wear tights I thought I would have to start wearing them soon, simply to fit in. I suggested it to my mum expecting her to be pleased. How wrong was I! She said tights were a privelage and that I would have to continue to wear knee socks to school. She was pleased that I had accepted I had to wear tights but the school uniform was not a fashion statement. I think she was getting back at me for all those arguments we had had. To make matters worse she said that I should wear a skirt and tights all weekend now that I had finially given up my tomboy days. I hadn't! All I wanted to do was wear tights to school, I still hated wearing them. The whole thing had back fired. I didn't wear a skirt and tights that weekend and mum couldn't stop teasing me about how I had gone about wearing them.
There are lots of other silly stories about my childhood I will share when I get chance. When I left school I ditched the skirts and lived in jeans and trousers. I had given up dancing as well and turned back into a die hard tomboy. I loved my jeans and t-shirts and jumpers. I suppose I used those clothes to hide away. I was and I not very confident and the thought of wearing skimpy dresses or skirts horrified me. I looked a mess but I didn't draw attention to myself. Perhaps it all comes down to confidence? Perhaps!
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